In love... yet again

Next thig you ought to know about me... I'll fall easy. That's it, I will fall in love so easy it's ridiculous. But thast's not the worst part of it. I tend to fall in love with straight guy who does not and will not love me back. It's just like the first lines in that movie "The Holiday":

"And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

So, yeah... I've suffered from that, and don't get me wrong, I've actually been loved back a couple of times, both disasters by the way, but never in this let's-get-married kind of way, and never by the people who should love me back.

Why am I telling you all of this, you might ask. Well, I've been fighting to fall out of love with this guy, this amazing person, the kind of guy I shouldn't be in love with. He's completely flawed in every way, cute in his very own way, very sarcastic, very funny, but overall... He is my best friend. 

I am so aware of his being straght, that's all he talks about, you know? And I know there's not a slightest chance for him to be gay. So I've decided to move on. The question's how am I gonna make it happen this time. 

A friendly and not so brief introduction

OK. Where to start? I guess I should start with the cheesy, almost tacky, introduction right? The way everyone's says it's correct, I'm this, I'm that... First, I want you to know what you're getting into. I wanted to create this blog for a main reason, I've grown up feeling completely alone. I live in a very closed-minded society, buried in the center of a middle and upper class mambo-jambo, with rules to follow, people to make proud, goals to be achieved, life to be lived... Ah, so utopic you might say, almost perfectly suburban life. Yeah, right. This closed-minded, completely suking-you-in society I live in has become the one chain I cannot get free of.

When you are a 20 year-old, med-student, son of a divorced couple, both succesful in their fields, middle-class and just trying to figure the fuck out of just about everything in life, and besides that... Voilá! You are gay. Life is a fucking bitch and then you fucking die.

So let's get a little background here, please. I've grown up with my mother almost my whole life, but I'm pretty close to my father, I'm gay, and I'm so in the closet, I'm pretty near to fucking Narnia. I love life, I really do fucking love it. And most of the time I don't wish I was straight, but it is just so freaking confusing, you know? I am studying medicine, the one greatest passion of my life (besides sex, and alcohol, and parties), and the one only thing I'm absolutely sure of.

So back to basics, I've felt alone my whole life, yeah, that's it. And I really don't mean to sound melodramatic here, I am happy, but also I've always felt like I'm the only one. Let's clear this out shall we. I've already told you that I grew up in a pretty conservative society right, well that's not all of it. Nobody worth fucking is out of the effing closet in this place! I mean, you always will have the queers and queens of the low world, but; and I'm really sorry to state this, they are really not your regular boyfriend-type material, you know? Let's just say this, if I wanted to go out with a fucking queen I wouldn't be gay, now, would I? I like guys, I can fall in love with a guy. I am really sick of the sterotype, of course I like sex, but that's not the only thing I want out of my realtionship. Call me romantic. I want love, and marriege, and kids, and the big backyard, and PTA meetings. I want to have a fucking normal life next to the person I love.

Look, I really feel that you will read this and be bored, please wait for the next entries, you won't find tacky porn all over the blog, but I promise some of you guys will relate with some of the stories. I can say that I have a pretty interesting life after all, and this won't only be about anecdotes, it's about life just as it is. Opinions, dreams, future, gay life, people in my life, hearing you people out there.

Someone once said that when you write, you should write for yourself and not for others, well, even though I do pretend to honor that rule, I also want to write whatever some gay guy out there wants to hear. Please share with me, I will always try and answer.

So, let's get this bitch started.